A philologist is someone who studies linguistics and also sounds like a made up profession that you would tell a drunk girl to impress her and avoid later identification. Usually one's only exposure to a linguist is on on CSI or Law and Order and they are usually nerdy guys or women who are one bobby pin away from being piano teachers. I want my linguistics to be boring and unobstructed by temptations. I need to absorb all that I can so I may build upon my craft and present my thoughts in a more creative and sly fashion. I desire to be a cunning linguist.

Marinas strong Russian accent is softened by her long blond hair and large excited eyes. Her looks could easily distract someone from her substance which is an admirable appreciation for the origins of words. I was mesmarized as she educated Bill and I on the evolution of the words Christmas and Santa Clause, all while batting her eyelids and giggling like a schoolgirl. She was brilliant and I wanted to make love to her cerebellum. Thankfully near the end of the segment her website HotForWords.com was flashed on the bottom of the screen and I dashed to the computer to get more of this neuronal nymph.

I logged on to HotForWords and thought I had made a mistake in the URL and ended up on a porn site. I retyped the address again and was brought back to the same page only this time I noticed that the breasts displayed liberally about the homepage were those of Marina! My heart dropped as I realized that she was no pure linguist, she was a pornlinguist. This harlot was using language to sell her body. Even in corrupt , mob ruled Russia there has to something that is sacred. What kind of empty, shallow soul would exploit word roots in order to promote their privates? The site doesn't offer phonics dvds or links to linguist societies but it does peddle a plethora of softcore porn calendars, cards and gratuitous lustful images. I was even more disappointed to find the her Youtube videos are a huge hit no doubt from adolescent boys whose comprehension of English thus far has been limited to T9 texting and Youporn searches.

Our society is facing daunting problems ranging from the financial crisis to the problems with unions ( both the gays and the autoworkers) and an obvious breakdown of moral responsibility. How much further into the abyss can we go as a people when we allow something so enjoyable and pure such as linguistics to be hijacked and victimized by smut. I no more want my beer flavored like fruit than I do my favorite strippers name to be my nieces. There are things in life that need to be kept sequestered. In the absence of a 1-900-prefix, sex and language should be kept apart like Rosie O'Donnell and a g string.